mehr

It seems like it never ends...things to do on top of things to do...I can't get away. If I seem a little less than happy lately it's probably because I am, what with tests every few days and my computer now deciding it doesn't like being on, per se. I'll be fine though...Sometimes I feel like whatever I do, God'll pull me through whether I work much or not, but really it's more like He'll work out some of my choices towards His plan whether I make good choices or not, so I can't so much slack like I wish I could. Or more accurately, do, but yeah, it's all only vaguely sensical anyway. I need to pull up and get back to operating altitude, man. I feel like I haven't had time or energy to really invest in my friends much this semester...I don't feel as close as I used to, like there are emotional gaps opening up that I can't fill, and no, that doesn't make sense to me either...it's late anyway and I start trying to write down whatever when it's late. Gotta quit bein up so late...(yeah, I took a bit out here. You didn't miss anything)

Anyways, I feel better joggling that all out of my head.

Dr. Austin came and did devos with us tonight, which I thought was really neat...I don't think there are many universities where you can just invite the president down for devos. He's a cool dude, honestly.

Easter weekend

Something pretty odd happened on Thursday...I was all supposed to drive up to Becky's for Easter with a really good chunk of my buddies, but Thursday afternoon I started getting what I can only describe as a "bad feeling" about going. I felt a little sick anyway, and I was weighing all the things I needed to get done against how much it would rock to spend Easter with my friends, and I just decided to stay. I prayed about it a lot, yes, for peace about staying...all I got was a worsening feeling about going. That really doesn't happen to me often. Almost as soon as they left I felt better about life, for the most part.

It was all sort of weird, really, I don't know what all exactly was happening. Sometimes you think God is telling you something when that happens, but sometimes (oftentimes?) it's just you. It usually takes time to tell.

Tell you what though, I miss those people this weekend...I think I'm dealing with a very mild bit of seasonal affective disorder just lately, or maybe for a while and it was masked over by other stuff and now it's out...which wouldn't surprise me entirely. It's getting sunny again, and I'm doing my best to think happy thoughts and keep working. It's less like I feel down and more like I just don't feel like accomplishing anything. Maybe those are the same. Right now I wish somebody'd sign in on AIM that I wanted to talk to. I'm able to say that I've got lots of friends here, good friends I guess, but I've only been able to really invest in a handful of people, a few that are pretty much out of the picture now, some that will be soon, and some I don't get to see enough of any more...things are always changing, people especially, myself especially, who knows. Been hangin with some good buddies this weekend anyways. Good times.


Here's to another week.

My face!...err, break!

Man! It was a break of many things...more people than I cared for, for one thing...I realized after a bunch of people got here on saturday just how much I wanted some time by myself (nothing against the people that got here on Saturday...it just got too...loud...) and I only got so much of that this week. Even if people weren't on me constantly, there is a difference between living in an empty dorm, and living in a dorm with people still in it...

Other important things went down this break too, and I'm sorta glad they did even if everything didn't shake out just how I wanted it to. Better that things should go...how they should rather than how I wish they would...Anyways, Ben's back so I have company worth talking to again :)

pride

Do you know why pride goeth before a fall? Because you start underestimating people.

Wisdom from gaming. Heh.

the occasional thought on break.

Hm. I ran the bathroom heater all afternoon so it would be toasty in there, and tonight when I took my shower things were different--the shampoo was super runny, the shower curtain was softer, even Ben's dish soap was sloshy. My toothpaste just about oozed out of the tube. Nifty stuff.

We drove 12 hours up to Kansas State University on Friday (all of Friday) and Saturday morning we beat them on their home turf. First place out of 13 teams. When we drove in I saw that there was a big center bunker--my favorite and best place to play--and I was overjoyed. I shot an average of about two dudes per game; mostly my job was to shut down anyone trying to move up the outside, and I never did miss somebody I caught in the open, no matter how hard they ran. More than once after a game I had someone coming around asking "Who was that guy in the center X? grrr!" (The X being the shape of my bunker.) Everyone played pretty darn good; we took our first 6 games and lost the last two, at least partly because of wind and gun troubles, but we won them so well they put us solidly in first, and since the wind at that point was gusting past 40 miles per hour, we voted not to have finals and just go home. So we went back to the hotel after a victory meal at Pizza Hut (and if you're not having steak, there's not much better for a victory meal) and watched movies, then drove back on all of Sunday. Since then I have mainly eaten, slept, and played video games, which I am enjoying greatly. Taking things slow. I also called home tonight and talked to mum...they are going to Florida tomorrow, so I'm praying for safe travel on their trip. I guess part of the reason that I stayed here at school was because I figured there wouldn't be people around (or at least, not much in the way of people)...so it would be quiet. But it turns out, the time I really wanted quiet (pre-3 pm or so) everyone's asleep anyways, so I'm getting enough peace and quiet to suit me. Let's hope I can be a little productive sometime this break...

'night.

Decisions

Basketball was tonight versus 1A. They played us real even at the beginning...then, as we paced them, they started getting really frantic about half way through--playing too fast even when they were open, for instance--and after about the first ten or fifteen minutes they all sorta wore out. Final score was 31-20. I'm playing better every game...I got me some rebounds this time, intercepted a pass, and stole some balls.

The girls played tonight...man, their games are different. I don't know how exactly, they just seem to play nastier sometimes, and the reffing is way way worse. G2 took their game though, which was definitely awesome. Rockin!

---

I don't like it when people are indecisive. It makes me want to get in and help them decide...Sometimes an issue will seem so clean-cut to me, and I get frustrated if somebody doesn't see it my way (or wants to take some time to mull it over anyway)...but you know? Like Jordan told me this morning...Dude, sometimes it just isn't my business. Even if the decision relates to me, it's not my call for them to decide either which way, no matter how much I want that decision to go one way or another. Sometimes I need to butt out of the process altogether and let it go. Decisions will get made...But I don't quit hoping, either.

Now to just survive tonight's homework and I'm home free 'til Spring Break.

China King!

Runyan is back in style and after a great day of shooting face paintball style, we chilled back at China King. I loved to company, I will say that much. The food was great too, though I was so full of it that the full-tilt racing action on the way home was underappreciated by myself. Beaner had his rear-windshield cleaner squirter all broken so it piddled on the car behind us, generally TJ's, which was greatly hilarious.

Been thinking about the future a little more seriously than usual lately. Where, realistically, will I be in 2 years? Who is going to be important to me at that time and where will they be? It starts to impact my thinking towards my friends now.

--Keep on rockin--

Spring Break

kiolia: what gun are you buying?
CXHXAXZ on Q4: sonic cyborg as soon as the check comes
kiolia: tight
kiolia: :-D
kiolia: way to not comprimise
kiolia: when will check get to you'
CXHXAXZ on Q4: but that means no spring break :-(
kiolia: you can chill wit me instead G
kiolia: Me > skiing
kiolia: and cheaper too
CXHXAXZ on Q4: kill me now or get me booze

Orange!

I love orange juice. And I also love orange julius drinks...so I finally got around to making one at Saga for lunch today. It made me happy. I think I'm nearly over the flu too.

I came up with a new way of articulating my reactions to the thomas lounge peoples...
I think that dating should be about exploring each others' minds, not exploring each others' bodies.

Cuddling a little is one thing but second base (and in public too! c'mon...) is quite another...