So, what do you wanna be when you grow up?

Tonight when I was trying to divine what on earth you might attribute to Dante as a strength or weakness in leadership, my mind wandered--as it has been wont to do of late--to the subject of my future. What am I going to do when I grow up?

I'm not enjoying my engineering classes. To be fair, it is possible that this is just the hard part and it would become more enjoyable later on, but I have difficulty imagining a career in engineering that I would enjoy. Working in the aerospace industry would certainly be interesting, I suppose. But what I keep seeing in myself is that what I truly enjoy doing is working in creative pursuits: specifically writing and drawing.

I think it is safe to say that our society does not appreciate artists as much as they deserve. Becoming an artist is not the road to a respectable career in all but the most rare of cases, and certainly it is not especially rewarding in the financial aspect. I think one of my ideal jobs might be working as a concept artist in either the movie or video game industry. I think that, after some formal art education, I could probably cut it in one of those fields. On that note, however, I don't think art school is for me (though I couldn't say for certain til I tried it...) The closest art academy to home in Grand Rapids would be Kendell, but from all reports that's a pretty bad choice. I think AIC sounds good, though. I just don't think I'm cut out for the environment--all I'm interested in, for the most part in the visual arts, is accurately depicting whatever I'm trying to depict. I don't ascribe much higher meaning to what I do, nor do I look for it in the work of others unless they tell me to (similar to how I relate to people...hmm)...and yet I desire to be taught by someone, so that I can take whatever skill I've scraped together by myself and really go somewhere with it.

A man named Ron Russling, a renowned architect, offered once to take me in for a year, at his home in Arizona, and teach me. I think that would be an opportunity of a lifetime and I think I may take it regardless of where I go with my engineering education. Now if only I could get ahold of him...

My main impediment to jumping out of the track I'm riding in is my own self-respect. I have come this far in my studies and, for that matter, done reasonably well. I'm almost halfway through my junior year of college and it's coming time to start making real decisions. If God gave me these abilities to comprehend engineering and do this math and that testing and so on, why not go with it? So I ask myself. And could I turn my back on three years of hard work like that? I'm not so sure. Could I just up and leave the people I've become connected to, here? That answer seems more and more to be no.

So, stick it out at LeTourneau, graduate, and then pursue a more creative path? If I entered an undergraduate program at an art school I wouldn't be out until I was...like, 25. I don't want to start in the real world at that age! Why did God design me so? I'm sure the reason is pretty cool. I just wish He'd let me in on the deal.

Well, there's most of my thoughts out and written up and I'm no closer to an answer for myself. I'm going to bed instead.