/cry

grrr.

It looks like, rather than a pleasant coast down to the end of the semester in May, the remainder of this semester is going to be hard, full of work -- mostly a gauntlet of school that I can't, lately, seem to conjure up to Moxie to work on. I guess it's probably S.A.D. from the oft-unhappy weather...it doesn't feel too bad but I'm still rather apathetic lately, and prone to bigger-than-usual emotional tumbles after dissappointments. The only big one so far was spending all day saturday trying to make our Phoenix helicopter #1 fly, only it developed problem after problem, and then when we thought we had all the problems fixed, the thing was incapable of completing the task to begin with. A lot of prayer and a good hot shower had me back on my feet, but I really don't care for just falling into despair over stuff like that.

Where's my freakin' Sun already?

Understand that it's late, so I'm feeling sorry for myself, and I'll feel better in the morning, but seriously, projects, applications, who knows what all, all rushing faster every week down to graduation...and then what? I don't want to do this, I don't want to go there, but I don't know what I want to do, either. Forget more studying; it's past my bedtime by a long shot, and if I get brutalized by that quiz in the morning, it's my fault for not studying sooner.

Oh yeah, and our toilet's broken, too! Hilarity.

baby james

lookit it's me when I was 8 months old! wheeeee

meesa back

Well, I'm back, and vacation certainly was full of interesting things (and plenty of travels). Tell you about it a little later with some pictures maybe. Also, as an addendum to my previous post, they begged me to go to Thanksgiving, which I did not, and only asked nicely for me to come fro spring break, which I did.

Spring Break!

Well, Ben and Brianna have been asking forever, and it seems like a good idea, so I'm driving away with them for spring break to Missouri and Nebraska for a week! Hopefully good food and stuff will abound. It'll also be good to spend some time with them before the inevitable end of school...

See you all next week.

And then, BAM

I don't know if this ever happens to you, but every so often with me, I catch a particular smell or song or sensation, or catch on to some tail end of a thought train I've followed before, and it brings me back to someplace I'd rather be so much more than where I'm at. So often for me it's thoughts of summertime.

I love summer, so much...not just the weather and season but everything that goes along with it for me, like working at some story on the computer while the sun is out, coming through the windows, and I can hear the breeze in the birch trees and the birds chirping out their songs by the bird feeder. I don't want to sound like I've got some romantic conception of writing as a career, because I don't think I do -- but there is nothing to me like sitting down and writing it all out like that, especially in the summer, when I can go out for a while and smell the mint patch, go for a swim, watch the boats, or sit in the sun with Maxy dog. I can wait for that most of the time, but sometimes something conjures it all up in my memories and I just feel like exploding because I can't have it right now. I really should feel blessed that I have something like that to fall back on, because I think for a lot of people summer just means dusty backyards and too much heat; nothing beautiful, just vague discomfort...

I can stick it out through school, though; mechatronics is still unpleasantly hard and Phoenix is still a ways from happening but overall, this has been a pretty enjoyable semester. I just wish I had more of a feeling of...I guess accomplishment. I'm a senior, I've battled through almost four years of school now, and I just feel like getting it over with. It's not, to me, like building a house or something, where you get closer and closer to getting done and when you're done you've got a house, which is a good feeling. And yet for me it's also not like, say, digging a hole, where you finish out and you're just further from the sunlight than ever. I've accomplished a lot, grown a lot, met wonderful people. I just don't feel like it was anything monumental. But it was good. I'm pretty sure it was good.

yay

it's sunny outside! wheeeee


I feel like I'm running out of internet. Art forum postage seems to be at a low ebb. And in the meantime I've been feeling a more creative bent than I've been on in a while. Here's a linky to a product of that from lately. http://p211.ezboard.com/ffoxprintsfrm2.showMessage?topicID=2355.topic